Blogging on the Floor

I am lying on the floor watching Alaska State Troopers playing with my new toy...my itty bitty laptop! It's so freaking cute, I'm trying to get used to it before school starts so I can be a pro lol I'm getting more and more excited to start classes!


I put in my two weeks on Friday, things went great, I am really going to miss transcom but this is going to be the best thing that could happen to me right now. I am so happy and life is so good, I feel like things are really going to go well.


I bought the stuff for Dae's party, all that is missing is his gift, portable dvd player, and I'm thinking of getting that at Big Lots cause its only $49 which is the cheapest I can find, and for a 2 year old, that's really all I am willing to spend since I can guarantee it won't be destroyed!

Queen of the Damned

I love this movie!!!! This movie came out before all that shit with Twilight came out and its one of my favorite movies. Actually the only vampire movie I love love love. I had forgotten about my Netflix account until recently, and now I am SO glad I have it back.

I don't get what the big deal was with the price hike, its easier to have streaming only, who needs the damn dvds? I sure don't.

ugh, I'm rambling, but I don't care, I'm exhausted tonight. Been pulling extra hours at work and now I'm finally starting to feel like I have a plan going on!!

I'm gonna share it! I'm planning to leave work on 8/19 since classes start on 8/22. That is 2 full paychecks away, so I am planning to work all the over time I possibly can and get as much money as I can and when I get the financial aid check, I want to put it in savings so that I have it for the rest of the semester. Now that I've actually signed up for the classes, I'm no longer worried that I am making the wrong decision. I know this is the right thing to do for me and Dae and because things are meant to be, they will work out. Things are going great for me, and they will continue to go well as long as I keep my head up. I'm so freaking excited to be getting back to campus and starting to feel 25 again.

Yes I'm a single mother, but I still want to feel young again...I want to have a good time and still do well by Dae and myself.

My goal is to take things one day at a time and not stress out so much.

Speaking of one day at a time, my little sister is thinking of moving back to her home state and I'm so bummed but happy for her at the same time. She's matured so much in such a short time, I know she can and will make the right choices for her and her son, I'm proud to call her my sister.

Enough for now, time to enjoy my movie.

Too Fast Too Furious...

wow...this friend of mine I've been talking to at work is moving WAY too fast for me. I'm not sure what I am supposed to do. I feel that I have made it blatantly obvious that I am in no way interested in him in a more serious way...ugh it's freaking bothering me so much!! I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he's older then me so of all people he should feel the same way...it is really bothering me that he won't just let things go the way they are meant to go and not try to push anything on me.

Then again, I don't know if I am going to be at work much longer, things are SO stressful right now! I hate to whine, but this is my blog so I'm going to whine on...I honestly hate having to make big decisions, one thing Aaron was good at was just taking chances and jumping head first into things...sure, sometimes things backfired, but half the fun was in taking chances...

I have too many things on my plate right now, well I feel like I do. I never wanted to be a single mother...selfish of me? Sure, but that's just the honest truth. I always wanted to be a wife/mother and have a partner by my side. I often wonder if I have found and lost my one true love. I don't feel like I am strong enough to be a single mother and go to school and work full time...I miss my baby so freaking much. I just want to lay in bed and cuddle him forever...or at least as long as he will allow me.

It breaks my heart when he calls my mom "mama". I know he doesn't really know, he calls almost everyone mama, it just stings a bit. I'm 10000000x thankful he's not in daycare though, that would just break my heart.

Can't I just flip a coin and let that make all the big scary decisions????

overtime...

Been working a lot of overtime, been thinking overtime, everything has been overtime.

I'm wondering if this Mr. Big is moving too fast for me, he seems to think that things are more then I am...I didn't think that I had "led" him on, I was open and honest and told him more then once that I was not looking for anything serious and for sure was not looking for any kind of commitment.

I might switch to the night shift at work, its from 1:30pm-10pm. I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons and figure out the best move for me and for Dae...either way I miss out on his life...I might need other opinions on this one...

Closing Time...

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have found
a
friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...


---we have a song. It's from the movie we saw Saturday night, yes folks, I went out on a date. A real date, dinner, movie, drinks and home. Nothing more, nothing crazy, but it was the sweetest date I've ever been on. I didn't have to watch him get wasted, he was able to just sit and talk and not try to be all over me, what's the word? oh yeah, gentleman!

I really think I am starting to like this Guy...I just want to be divorced so I don't feel like I am doing something wrong. That really stops me from doing a lot, I feel like I am the one cheating on my marriage when it was long gone...ugh these things are so freaking hard...why is life so hard at 25??? I'm only 25 freaking years old and dealing with divorce/visitation...this is NOT how I pictured my life turning out, what did I do wrong? Where did I screw up?

So There's This Guy...

at work who's kinda into me and I might be kinda into him too...he's nice and kind and funny and doesn't drink or smoke pot or do anything shitty.

could it be too good to be true? maybe, which is why I'm not really going anywhere with this. Maybe a couple nights out and a whole lot of texts, but its really nice to just get to know someone again from the beginning.

There might be some drama in his backstory, and there's a ton in mine but I'm having fun right now and its been a long time since that's happened.

Is this what dating as a single mom is like?? How weird.

<----sucker!

Oh man, I never should have bought those pictures from Picture People. I am such a sucker, of course the pics came out wonderful and I joined the portrait club and am going back Friday to get more prints and maybe the CD. ugh I feel guilty buying those things because they are og so expensive, but on the other hand, Dae is only this age once and these pictures will last a life time and I will want them later.

Plus, my dad needs a picture, I'm thinking of getting the high quality cd for $75 and then printing the pics...yes its a lot of money but 1) I can afford it and 2) I can get them reprinted cheaper.

I need to stop stressing over money, things will always work out and money spent on my son is always worth it. Plus I need to start buying his supplies for his birthday too and the invites. I will need the high quality picture CD to do the invitations.