wow...this friend of mine I've been talking to at work is moving WAY too fast for me. I'm not sure what I am supposed to do. I feel that I have made it blatantly obvious that I am in no way interested in him in a more serious way...ugh it's freaking bothering me so much!! I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he's older then me so of all people he should feel the same way...it is really bothering me that he won't just let things go the way they are meant to go and not try to push anything on me.
Then again, I don't know if I am going to be at work much longer, things are SO stressful right now! I hate to whine, but this is my blog so I'm going to whine on...I honestly hate having to make big decisions, one thing Aaron was good at was just taking chances and jumping head first into things...sure, sometimes things backfired, but half the fun was in taking chances...
I have too many things on my plate right now, well I feel like I do. I never wanted to be a single mother...selfish of me? Sure, but that's just the honest truth. I always wanted to be a wife/mother and have a partner by my side. I often wonder if I have found and lost my one true love. I don't feel like I am strong enough to be a single mother and go to school and work full time...I miss my baby so freaking much. I just want to lay in bed and cuddle him forever...or at least as long as he will allow me.
It breaks my heart when he calls my mom "mama". I know he doesn't really know, he calls almost everyone mama, it just stings a bit. I'm 10000000x thankful he's not in daycare though, that would just break my heart.
Can't I just flip a coin and let that make all the big scary decisions????
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