Nights like tonight are the worst...I'm so lonely right now, I really wish I had someone to hang out with right now. I just want to pop some popcorn, watch a movie and cuddle up on the couch for the night.
I'm not wishing I had Aaron here, all he would be doing is playing video games or waiting to play video games...
The one person I'm really wishing was here is my sister. I've started to forget how her voice sounded, I would do anything to hear it again. I can't picture what she looks like in my head, I have to see a picture to remember. She was my 1st best friend and most days I feel lost without her, even though it doesn't feel like she's never coming back. Sometimes, I think of something I want to tell her, reach for my phone and get all the way to the "S" before I realize that she isn't in there, she isn't going to answer. I can't talk to her about my day, about my feelings, I can't hear her tell me how beautiful I am, or see her with Dae. She would love him so much, he would probably never "want" for anything because she would have it for him in an instant.
I feel like I betrayed her in her last months by not being there with her. It was too hard for me to see my strong hero in her condition...she never would have done that to me, I feel so much guilt for that. I don't regret it, for the record, I do not believe in having regret in anything. Everything, good or bad, happens for a reason and is meant to be learned from. I know she isn't mad at me, I know that she understands, she understood me better then I understand myself.
It's just so hard some days...
No comments:
Post a Comment