It's Almost Time!!!!!!

I'm so excited!!!!! Just 4 more days of work and then I will be a FULL TIME COLLEGE STUDENT! I took today off to try and get some things handled at the court house, SAC and with child support but shoot, that just turned into a big mess. I ran around like a crazy person with the stupid court stuff and then was told I had the wrong forms but the "right" forms aren't even relevant to what we are doing...I think I am just going to revise the ones I have and submit them again. The new ones have like 6 pages of what is going to happen with the property/cars/money/assets...uhh we don't have that shit. The only thing we do have is the ps3 and the laptop and that has been divided since he left in January. I was thinking of putting in the armiore and the trundle bed as the property that we have so that his stupid ass mother is pretty much court ordered to replace it before taking it. She is the one acting so petty and stupid about this whole situation.

Blah, enough of that crap, onto more fun and interesting things...like I'm going on a TRIP!! Well, hoping/planning to go on a trip. There's going to be an event in galveston called Oni-Con, an amine/japanese pop culture type event. It sounds AWESOME!!! I hope I can save up the money to go, it is a long time to be away from Dae, but my mom is ok with watching Dae that time, and even thinking of taking a trip to the beach with him so we can spend some time there also. We'll have to see what happens, it would be awesome to be able to go to Con and spend time with Dae on the beach. Just have to wait and see what is going to happen, I'm so over planning things and being so anal about schedules and shit, I am trying to just live day by day.

Speaking of day by day, I want to be done with work already!!! I just want my financial aid so I can go shopping for my books and school stuff! I am such a nerd because I am looking so forward to buying books and notebooks and pens and other supplies LOL aaaaaaaand maybe I am looking forward to doing some clothes shopping too. I think I have enough summer stuff, I might get another couple pairs of shorts and some jeans/fall/winter type stuff because I have none of that type stuff and won't have money when that season hits, so I need to buy it now while I have the funds.

Life is looking up for me and I'm just hanging on for the ride!

All Alone...

I hate this feeling, I feel like I am the only single person in the world. Of course I know this isn't true, shoot I think my friends are split 50/50 between single/taken but as I sit here, watching TV, playing on facebook, I long to have a conversation with someone about love/life/pursuit of happiness...I hate that I feel like my best friend is gone, unreachable, almost like they've died.

He isn't the man I thought he was, he's not the guy that was my best friend, that I loved to be around, that could make my dreams come true, and yet, sometimes I wish he were still here. I don't feel like I will ever find the perfect guy because I don't think that person exists. I also don't think that person fits into my life...I don't know what I want in a guy, but I want someone who is real and who can take care of me. I am so full of emotion, I can't figure out what I am trying to say...ugh so frustrating.

I just think about things like, what if, some day I find my perfect man, and want to marry again...what would Dae think? Will he be mad? Will he wonder why I didn't stay married to his dad and wonder why I want to marry this other man? What if I have kids with this other guy? Will he be upset if I have another baby? He's already so jealous, but what if he wants to have a sibling?

I know these are such silly things to wonder about, but they are things that jump into my head and I have to get them out somewhere...

Blogging on the Floor

I am lying on the floor watching Alaska State Troopers playing with my new toy...my itty bitty laptop! It's so freaking cute, I'm trying to get used to it before school starts so I can be a pro lol I'm getting more and more excited to start classes!


I put in my two weeks on Friday, things went great, I am really going to miss transcom but this is going to be the best thing that could happen to me right now. I am so happy and life is so good, I feel like things are really going to go well.


I bought the stuff for Dae's party, all that is missing is his gift, portable dvd player, and I'm thinking of getting that at Big Lots cause its only $49 which is the cheapest I can find, and for a 2 year old, that's really all I am willing to spend since I can guarantee it won't be destroyed!

Queen of the Damned

I love this movie!!!! This movie came out before all that shit with Twilight came out and its one of my favorite movies. Actually the only vampire movie I love love love. I had forgotten about my Netflix account until recently, and now I am SO glad I have it back.

I don't get what the big deal was with the price hike, its easier to have streaming only, who needs the damn dvds? I sure don't.

ugh, I'm rambling, but I don't care, I'm exhausted tonight. Been pulling extra hours at work and now I'm finally starting to feel like I have a plan going on!!

I'm gonna share it! I'm planning to leave work on 8/19 since classes start on 8/22. That is 2 full paychecks away, so I am planning to work all the over time I possibly can and get as much money as I can and when I get the financial aid check, I want to put it in savings so that I have it for the rest of the semester. Now that I've actually signed up for the classes, I'm no longer worried that I am making the wrong decision. I know this is the right thing to do for me and Dae and because things are meant to be, they will work out. Things are going great for me, and they will continue to go well as long as I keep my head up. I'm so freaking excited to be getting back to campus and starting to feel 25 again.

Yes I'm a single mother, but I still want to feel young again...I want to have a good time and still do well by Dae and myself.

My goal is to take things one day at a time and not stress out so much.

Speaking of one day at a time, my little sister is thinking of moving back to her home state and I'm so bummed but happy for her at the same time. She's matured so much in such a short time, I know she can and will make the right choices for her and her son, I'm proud to call her my sister.

Enough for now, time to enjoy my movie.

Too Fast Too Furious...

wow...this friend of mine I've been talking to at work is moving WAY too fast for me. I'm not sure what I am supposed to do. I feel that I have made it blatantly obvious that I am in no way interested in him in a more serious way...ugh it's freaking bothering me so much!! I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he's older then me so of all people he should feel the same way...it is really bothering me that he won't just let things go the way they are meant to go and not try to push anything on me.

Then again, I don't know if I am going to be at work much longer, things are SO stressful right now! I hate to whine, but this is my blog so I'm going to whine on...I honestly hate having to make big decisions, one thing Aaron was good at was just taking chances and jumping head first into things...sure, sometimes things backfired, but half the fun was in taking chances...

I have too many things on my plate right now, well I feel like I do. I never wanted to be a single mother...selfish of me? Sure, but that's just the honest truth. I always wanted to be a wife/mother and have a partner by my side. I often wonder if I have found and lost my one true love. I don't feel like I am strong enough to be a single mother and go to school and work full time...I miss my baby so freaking much. I just want to lay in bed and cuddle him forever...or at least as long as he will allow me.

It breaks my heart when he calls my mom "mama". I know he doesn't really know, he calls almost everyone mama, it just stings a bit. I'm 10000000x thankful he's not in daycare though, that would just break my heart.

Can't I just flip a coin and let that make all the big scary decisions????

overtime...

Been working a lot of overtime, been thinking overtime, everything has been overtime.

I'm wondering if this Mr. Big is moving too fast for me, he seems to think that things are more then I am...I didn't think that I had "led" him on, I was open and honest and told him more then once that I was not looking for anything serious and for sure was not looking for any kind of commitment.

I might switch to the night shift at work, its from 1:30pm-10pm. I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons and figure out the best move for me and for Dae...either way I miss out on his life...I might need other opinions on this one...

Closing Time...

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have found
a
friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...


---we have a song. It's from the movie we saw Saturday night, yes folks, I went out on a date. A real date, dinner, movie, drinks and home. Nothing more, nothing crazy, but it was the sweetest date I've ever been on. I didn't have to watch him get wasted, he was able to just sit and talk and not try to be all over me, what's the word? oh yeah, gentleman!

I really think I am starting to like this Guy...I just want to be divorced so I don't feel like I am doing something wrong. That really stops me from doing a lot, I feel like I am the one cheating on my marriage when it was long gone...ugh these things are so freaking hard...why is life so hard at 25??? I'm only 25 freaking years old and dealing with divorce/visitation...this is NOT how I pictured my life turning out, what did I do wrong? Where did I screw up?