Now What???

Alright, so I do the work study thing here on campus but I'm really not sure what is going on with it. It's extremely unorganized, chaotic and a waste of time. I stay here because its very easy and while the pay isn't much, the schedule is great.

I'm just so ready for things to go in our favor, being apart from Aaron is so hard, we barely get to see each other and when we do, it just doesn't seem like its enough time. I hate having to go pick him up or take him home or leave him...its just not the life I want right now. I want my whole family together!! I want family dinner, I want snuggles while we watch TV, I want to go to sleep and wake up next to my husband. I don't see why things have to be so damn difficult for us!

Things really should be looking up, with Aaron's new job, he has potential to really make some money and we are looking into apartments that hopefully will accept us and be affordable. I'm trying to stay positive but it can be so hard.

Oh HELL no!

So, I'm sitting here at Starbucks and have been sipping my coffee for the past hour or so. Anyway, some girls walk in and look around and all the seats/tables are taken so they turn to me and say (with attitude) "Can you move so we can sit here?" so I ask "Is there another seat somewhere?" and they say "well not inside, you'd have to sit outside" mind you, it's freezing cold (by Texas standards) and I don't wanna! So I say calmly " I don't want to sit outside." and they didn't get it!!! They still stood over me like I was going to get up! Such bizarre behavior! They looked super young, so maybe they are 1st year college students and still have that senior in high school mentality where they think they rule the world and everyone must obey them. Too bad that doesn't apply in the real world sweethearts! I often think that high school should teach actual real world life skills. Things like, going to work isn't like going to school, you can't just skip days here and there and not expect consequences. Life isn't fair, everyone doesn't win and no one really cares how you feel. Your boss won't care if you aren't feeling well, they just want you to do your job. No one is going to help you, you need to be self reliant, confident but not cocky and resourceful. These are all things I've had to learn the hard way because they weren't taught to me. I've learned more through experiences and life lessons then I ever did in high school and I wonder if by the time Dae gets to high school, what is he going to learn?

Thinking Out Loud

I often wonder if this is really how my life is supposed to be...this isn't exactly the life I had planned out. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any choices I've made or things I've done...I just never thought this is where my life would be at 25.

This also isn't how I thought my family would be. I never thought that instead of being at home with Dae I'd be gone all day and home in the very short evening and weekend hours. That hardly seems fair to both him and me, yet, what choice do I have? I have to go to school to get a good job since I don't have the luxury of staying home and relying on one income. I didn't ever think that my family would be separated, and struggle this much. When can I catch a break? When can I live the life I dreamt?

posted from Bloggeroid

It Will Rain-Bruno Mars

I freaking love this song. It makes my eyes water when I hear it and it SPEAKS to me. The only thing I don't like about this song, I heard its from the Twilight movie. I freaking hate Twilight. All of that aside though, it's a great song and would make a great vow-renewal song later on. <3

It Will Rain

If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.


There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor, oh<
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making
Will keep you by my side
Will keep you from walking out the door.


Cause there'll be no sunlight
if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain,
rain, rain


I'll never be your mother's favorite
Your daddy can't even look me in the eye
Oooh if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing
Saying there goes my little girl
walking with that troublesome guy
But they're just afraid of something they can't understand
Oooh well little darling watch me change their minds
Yea for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try<
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make you mine


Cause there'll be no sunlight
if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain,
rain, rain


Ooooh Don't you say
goodbye, don't just say, goodbye
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make it right


Cause there'll be no sunlight
if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain,
rain, rain...

30 Days of Thanks: November 15th, 2011

Today I'm thankful for my job. Sure it's just a part time gig and pays minimum wage, but there are people who don't have a job at all and I am lucky enough to have one with flexible hours, and where it's not hard or stressful.

I'm sooooooo

FRUSTRATED! ANNOYED! AGGRAVATED!

When is it going to be my chance? When are things finally going to go my way? Or at least lean in my favor? I feel like I am never going to get my break in life, that I'm always going to be treading water.

It's so hard to stay positive all the time, when things seem like they will never change, they will never get better no matter how hard you try, something will bring you down. How do you keep thinking positively after that?

Don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve to not have to struggle for everything. Can't things just go my way once? I can't understand how things never get better, I try my hardest at everything I do, I do everything the right way and nothing ever gets any better. It makes me wonder why do I even try?

What's the point of trying if nothing will ever change, if things will never look up, get better or improve, why am I busting my ass? If I manage to finish school, will that really help? Or will I still struggle in all aspects of my life?

30 Days of Thanks: November 14th, 2011

Today I'm thankful that the girl I work with got the hint and stopped talking to me. She's annoying and I dislike her highly.