True Colors

Wow, sometimes when things happen in life, you really find out people's true colors. Aaron's mom is such a horses ass, she has been after the damned armiore and trundle bed since the second Aaron and I separated. Yet, she's too cowardly to come out and say that she's just doing it to be a bitch, or even call me on the phone to discuss it like adults. She does it through text message and then when I send replies to her she ignores them.

She didn't even ask me, that's what pisses me off the most, she pretty much just told me what she was doing. I don't mother fucking think so!!! I hate how petty and totally bitchy she is being during this whole thing. It's AARON'S FAULT we are getting divorced in the first place!!!! He's the one who ditched me on MY birthday and went on a drinking bender and screwed another chick and is now with that whore when we aren't even officially divorced yet. He's not doing one damned thing for Daemyen, he's not doing jack shit to try and see Zain, all he is doing is being fucking selfish and she's thinking he's the best fucking person in the world. I want to punch them both.

I am working so hard to make it alone, and to have her act this way and act like I am in the wrong is so frustrating and hurtful. I didn't do anything wrong in this marriage, I did everything I could on my part, he was the one who ruined it. I still haven't even talked to any men what so ever...can't say the same for him since he says he doesn't remember what he did that weekend but yet is with Misty again, like I don't remember that she was the chick he always had sex with...I bet he was talking and hooking up with lots of other girls since he never wanted to have sex with me but blames the lack of sex on me.

Gah, the more I think about him, the more I realize that I'm freaking stupid for not letting him go earlier. I do NOT regret anything, I don't believe in having regret, but I do think that I should not have turned my back on my family so many times...would have saved me a lot of embarrassment now.

Almost done!!!!!

I'm almost done paying off my tickets!!!!! I just have one left to go and I will be done paying it off on my Daddy's birthday, July 8th!!! I am SO VERY PROUD of myself, I have done this in just 3 short months, its amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.

I'm also so very glad that I have a savings account now and that I am trying to save. It doesn't seem that it will cost me too much to reinstate my license, it actually seems cheaper then the tickets were! I'm crossing my fingers and praying that things will go smoothly for me and I can get my license quickly and easily.

Now starts the planning for Dae's 2nd birthday party...I want it to be awesome...so far all I have is that it's gonna be Toy Story 3 themed LOL

guilt

Why do I feel so guilty?? I am doing NOTHING wrong, yet I feel SO incredibly consumed with guilt that I could cry. All I am doing is what's the best for Dae and since Aaron isn't helping, I am doing all I can.

I'm selling the jogging stroller that his mom bought for Zain and gave to us for Dae. I feel SO bad about it, I want to tell him I am doing it, but for what? What is he going to do? He sure as hell isn't going to give me any money for it, or at all. I need a little help, yes I make a decent paycheck, but I am trying to pay off my tickets which leaves me a little (read: A LOT) short each pay period.

I hate how guilty I feel about it...it's NOT MY FAULT...I say that, I just don't believe it.

I HATE DRAMA!!!!

Ugh, Taquito (Aaron's ex girlfriend and the mother of his oldest) called Child Protective Services on Aaron trying to get his visits with Zain stopped but instead, all she did was screw herself over cause now she has to supervise visits. Her goal totally backfired and I can't help but laugh. She's such a dumb whore, I mean literally, she has 3 kids and 3 baby daddies and just keeps going.

Aaron came to see Dae again today and we had a little bbq for him and my mom got a card for him from Dae. The visit was ok, better then the last one, things just seem more friendly and not so stressful/awkward. That's both sad and good.

It's sad because that means that there aren't really anymore feelings towards him, but its good because Dae needs his parents to be friends and work together, not fight.

Only time will tell what is gonna come of all this, but I am stronger every day.

Enjoying my life

Things are great right now. Yeah my marriage is over and I'm going through a divorce and now have to consider child support and visitation. I was going to be nice about it, but now what's the point? I'm tired of trying to be the good guy when he doesn't care about us one bit.

You think he's really trying to get help for himself? NO. He's screwing around (literally) and still getting drunk, acting like he has no responsibilities in the world. Is he busting his ass to get a job and get his life in order? Nope. Just mooching off his parents and others like always.

I am doing GREAT for myself and Dae, I'm working full time making good money, paying off my tickets (2 down, 2 to go!) and soon will have my license back and a car of my very own. I'm also gonna be able to get Dae into daycare two days a week and will be paying for everything on my own. I have a savings account, I have cash on me at all times, something I NEVER had with Aaron. He always wanted to spend every last penny, of course mostly on himself.

One day I will meet my prince charming and be swept off my feet. maybe.

It's over, over . over.

I'm done with Aaron and far too emotional to type out the whole story again but he pretty much ended our marriage and any chance we could work things out. He went the night of my birthday after doing a shitty job of making me enchiladas for my birthday dinner and got wasted, didn't contact me the entire weekend and I found out that he may have slept with another girl.

I know I suspected it, but damn it hurts knowing that I was right. I turned his phone off and gave the line to Brittany, she's living with us right now and needs it more then he does. She found a job within the week of living here and is trying to get out on her own already. She is so independent, I am actually jealous of it. I will soon be that way too.

I'm concentrating on my life with Dae now, I haven't seen/talked to Aaron since that weekend and honestly I don't want to. I don't care to see him right now, he says he needs to "fix himself" and whatever, I'm tired of being there for him to support him and him treating me like shit.


This is my new life, and its just me and Dae and I'm going to spoil us rotten. I work hard and deserve good things and not to be taken advantage of. One day my Prince will come.

:/ err

Just got back from a date with Aaron. It was kind of a bummer, we just seemed so distant. We couldn't find anything to do and there was NO conversation :( It was nice to have dinner out and we went bowling which was a lot of fun, but even then it just seemed so weird. I was also kind of resentful that I had to pay for everything...same old shit with Aaron, no job...

I'm a little sad about it but actually more angry that he doesn't care enough to follow through on what he says. I am starting to feel used again and kinda glad that he and I aren't "together" right now.

One thing that really bothered me was that I asked to use his cellphone to text this code to see if we could get coupons and he was SO uncomfortable handing it to me that I know he's hiding something on there. That pretty much ruined my night and I think is what ruined his too because I couldn't help it, I kinda called him out on it. I said "it's ok, I'm not going to read your texts you don't need to hide them from me" and he just laughed but it was a nervous laugh like he was wondering how much I knew.

Oh well, I'm gonna try to just move on and not try so hard. If it is meant to be, he will change, if not then, I need to prepare to move on alone. Right now I am doing well for MYSELF without his help and it seems like he is just gonna keep doing the same old shit. I am going to do something good with my life and if he wants to get in gear he is welcome but I'm done supporting him.

Trying to stay strong,