Happy Wife, Happy Life!!!!

Things are still going great over here. We've had a couple bumps in the road but we have faith that everything works out and will be just fine. Some new exciting things happening, we are starting a small business, hopefully that will go over well.

Keep running and running and running...

That's my life right now, we are running and can't stop! Finally, we have been able to get into a groove but I think we are running on less then 6hrs of sleep/night. That can be kind of stressful, but we have been able to talk things out and haven't had a fight about it. Thanks to my mom, she has been keeping Dae during the week for us and that time alone has been amazing.

I'm finally happy. Sure, things aren't perfect, but I am content and happy and don't feel like I'm missing anything. I would write more, but I'm watching a movie and this is taking forever lol

Raising "Genderless" Children

"Genderless" children is a term I have just recently encountered. Apparently what it means is to raise your child not telling them or anyone if they are male or female and allowing them to wear/play/be whoever they choose.

Ok, while that is NOT something I would do or encourage someone else to do, I am not one to judge other people's parenting...except this just rubs me the wrong way and seems like a good idea done wrong.

I don't understand the point in raising a child to not know if they are a boy or girl when that is a detrimental part of growing up. The issue I have is the secrecy of hiding the gender. We know that if a child feels they are in the wrong body, they know from a very young age and providing their parents are understanding and supportive they can freely express themselves.

What happens come puberty? Kids are hitting puberty earlier and earlier these days, what happens when this gender neutral kid wakes up and has a period? Or what happens when the child gets an erection and has no idea what is happening to its body?

I've dealt with a kid who liked "girly" things. For a while, Zain's favorite color was pink, he wanted barbies, he wanted girly things and we dealt with it just fine. We allowed him most things pink, we did draw the line with a few things mostly things that might get him picked on (ex: we did not buy him the "twinkle toes" brand shoes because they are glittery girly shoes and he was having enough issues with bullying at school) but we didn't tell him he was wrong for liking pink. He grew out of it and we all moved on.

Too many questions, too little time. All I know is that my sons know they are boys and if I'm blesses with a girl, she will know she's a girl. Oh and when people get upset for being bashed by others on the internet, they should realize that wouldn't happen if they had stayed off the internet

posted from Bloggeroid

People Are Strange

That's a Doors song, sung by the one and only Jim Morrison and it plays in my head multiple times a day. The rest of the line is something like "when your a stranger, faces look ugly when your alone. Women are wicked..."

It is such an appropriate song for today, I'm in the mccreless hall at SAC and sitting in the hallwa waiting for class to start. This is prime people watching time and there are tons of people to watch.

Couples crack me up, you have the ones who literally hang on each other and make me wonder how they walk cause they look like they are going to fall over any second. Then the ones who are "whisper fighting" over stupid things like what they are gonna eat. So funny. The "let's kiss for 20minutes before you go into class" kids which make me wonder if they do that all the time. I love Aaron but I don't need to kiss him for 20minutes every couple hours lol

Sitting in the hallway is like being sideline to a fashion show. The things kids come to class wearing blow me away. So far I have seen 4 girls wearing shorts, knee high socks and boots. Wtf? Were all their jeans dirty? Is that the style? I've never said I was fashionable, so if that is the "in" thing, please let me know! Others literally look like they rolled out of bed, one guy I swear he was in boxers, or really short shorts.

Class is almost gonna start and I know there is going to be that rush to the door. Why people bumrush the door when the other people haven't even left the room yet I will never understand. The doorway is small, we can't all fit at once.

posted from Bloggeroid

posted from Bloggeroid

Home Sweet Home!!!!

We did it!!! We officially have our own apartment! How does it feel? It feels damn amazing, let me tell you. I need to get some pictures printed up and some cute frames to make it look more "homey" but its all I could ever want.

I have seriously felt like the happiest and luckiest girl this week. We've been moving and Dae has been spending the nights with my mom since his bed isn't ready yet. It's been really nice having the evenings to relax with Aaron, a huge difference from before.

See when we lived apart, we had to go to someone else's house to hang out and be together...which was fun, but nothing is better then sitting on your own couch, watching the shows you wanna watch and not having to have discussions you aren't interested in or something to that extent. It's just me and Aaron and Dae and its glorious!

The Good Kind of Stress

OMG I am such a basket case right now!!! I'm so anxiously waiting for my financial aid to hit the bank (supposed to be in tomorrow) and my account is down to less then $1. I just want to get new tires, buy stuff for the apt and move in already! I have to go back to work Monday and I am NOT looking forward to doing all this, I wanted to do it before I went back. I'm gonna have to get up early, take Dae to my moms, start moving, organizing etc then stop and go to work. I work from 1-5PM which means I'll have to stay up late to get things done. Ugh that is NOT gonna go over well with my body.

Plus side, all my "anxiety" is over good things, not bad stressful things. That's a big plus actually. I'm excited to buy my books, start classes and just have a great 2012.

I've just been stressing over the relationship with my mom. Things have gotten really weird, and I'm not sure why. Maybe just cause of the move or something, Dae has been acting pretty silly too lately.

Happy New Year!!!!

wow. 2011 was a rough year! It started off terribly, got worse and then came around and got much MUCH better. I'm hoping for only good things in 2012.

Everyone always starts with the resolutions, goals and "must do" things for the new year. Of course I have them too, but I'm hoping a different way of thinking will help me accomplish them instead of failing by February.

1) Have more good times then bad. Sure this doesn't seem like something we can control, but I think we can. I can not stop all bad things from happening, but we can control how we react to them and think postivly so that the "damages" aren't as severe as they may seem. Where there's a will, there's a way and I have the will. After 2011, I know that one for sure.

2) Spend more time as a family. This one is easy, we are finally going to be living on our own, just me, Dae and Aaron and hopefully, we will finally get to see Zain. Spending 2011 as a single parent, I know what my friends have gone through and I want to make sure that Dae has both his parents all the time and that we make good positive memories instead of bad ones.

3) Eat "good for us" food. We have got to lose weight and keep it off. Diets don't help you keep the weight off or teach Dae healthy eating habits. We love to cook, are good at it and with the internet available to us, there is no excuse to buy the junk pre packaged, unhealthy food. We are going to eat more fruit/veggies/good meats and less junk/candy/fast food.

Aaron works tonight, but when he gets off, we are going to spend the start of the year together with our baby boy. There are lots of old wives tales about NYE, but the one that I believe true is that family needs to be together.

Happy New Year!!!! Bring it on 2012!!!!

This Time Last Year

This time last year, we were broke, stressed out and planning to move to McAllen. We were unhappy, angry, bitter, fighting a lot and just all around negative. January 2011 was the first month of the hardest months of my life. Months that I once wished had never happened, but now, I am stronger, more confident and in a better place because of them. I don't believe in regret, everything happens for a reason and every bad spot is a learning experience.

This time last year, I was so angry. I'm not even sure why I was so angry or how I let myself get that way but I was this little ball of constant anger. I was letting others get to me, comparing myself with people who don't matter (not anyone I know personally, no one take offense) and just feeling like shit ALL THE TIME.

This time last year, we were so broke, we had to borrow money just to get the boys something for Christmas. How embarrassing.

This time last year, we were in Dallas, TX with my brother and sister in law. Now that was fun times, I love being with my sister in law, she's such a sweet, genuine soul, I'm truly blessed to have her in my life. That was the first time I made a long drive alone with Dae. We did great, was it a glimpse to the year to come? Where I would be doing more and more things myself that I did not know I was capable of?

This year, we're not rich, but we're not broke. Stress is being managed and not really an issue and while we are still planning to move, we're only going 20minutes away, not 4hours. We are happy, in love, healthy and while we argue at times, it is far from the fights we were having. Everything is positive. Positive thinking, recognizing the bad parts but making a point to find the positive in every situation. We are much stronger as individuals and more importantly, as a couple. We are finally one unit.

This year, I'm happy, that intense anger I was feeling is almost nonexistent. I am now able to handle stressful situations and not get angry, I'm done comparing myself to anyone or doing things because others are doing them. I do what I want, what is best for my marriage and for my son and I don't give a damn what others think about it. Told you, I got me some confidence

This year, we both have jobs. Aaron is working at Logan's Roadhouse (the one off jones maltsburger and 410 GO SEE HIM! *whisper* and leave a big tip lol) and I'm a workstudy on campus. They aren't the best jobs, but they are something and they are what is gonna get us into our own apartment.

This year, we're planning our move, planning our future and living and loving life.

2010-2011 had some rough spots but I learned so much about myself and my strength, I wouldn't change it. This year is going to be different, I know this because WE are different. Relationship wise, we can now talk things out, deal with stress much better and I can FEEL the love, I KNOW he loves me and he KNOWS I love him. Much different then this time last year.

I can't wait to be in our little apartment with my little family.

Christmas Season

So this is Christmas...I'm really not looking forward to Christmas this year. It just feels all wrong, Aaron and I are still living apart (hopefully that is fixed in the next couple weeks), we haven't seen or talked to Zain in months and won't see him for Christmas and the weather is just funky. Plus I am sick so all I want to do is lay in bed. We didn't bake cookies this year, which is the first year we've ever skipped...things just don't feel right.

We had Christmas at my dads last night, I had a great time watching the boys play and Dae had a blast with Grandpa Claus. Such good family times, and even then I don't have any Christmas spirit.

Bah Humbug.

Tis the Season

Christmas time is here, and of course, that means that the majority of people are acting like damn fools. I don't understand what causes people to act so differently at this time of the year, aside from the weather, nothing changes!

Christmas is supposed to be about family and having fun. Not shopping, spending money you don't have or trying to get your kids the "best" gift. I often see things like "boo, still have tons of Christmas shopping left..." or "I can't wait to be done shopping for the kids!" and all I think is "wow, really?" If you don't want to shop or can't afford it, then STOP. It's a simple concept, don't go into debt to impress others with what you bought, no one cares. If buying gifts is bothersome, then just don't buy any. I have never tried to buy a ton of things for the kids, this year, I bought Dae 5 gifts and spent less then $70.

People are also so terrible to cashiers or other employees and I wonder what they would do if someone talked to their son or daughter that way. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I have had my moments where I am upset with an employee, but never in the manner I have seen, where they are being berated over something they have absolutely no control over. What good does that do? The person screaming at the employee still gets nothing and the employee has to try and not punch the person. It makes no sense to me, I don't think I will ever understand it.

I can't control other people, but I sure can teach my son that this time of year is meant to be spent together, making memories and traditions. Not for fighting, causing drama or trying to "out do" anyone else. My dream is for my son to grow up and realize that it didn't matter what gifts were under the tree, his family was together, happy and had fun.

FUN!

We had such a fun weekend, didn't really do anything special, but we got to do things together as a family which was the best part. We had pizza night Friday night and just hung out, played and Aaron and I were able to put Dae to bed together. It was so nice!! I look forward to that being our regular routine!

Later that night, my aunt called us and our giant inflatable snowman that we had just put up had been stolen! Luckily, my cousin happened to be getting home at the same time and she saw the thieves and was able to ID them so after a couple of hours, our snowman was returned to us...of course, now I don't wanna put him back up. I might put him up in the backyard for Dae to play with, he loved his snowman so much!

Saturday night, we got to go to dinner at Logan's Roadhouse, which is where Aaron is now a server. It was a free dinner and oh man, it was yummy! Aaron had the prime rib and I had steak and shrimp, even Dae got to have some steak tips. We also sampled some yummy roadhouse teas, their signature drink. They gave us a check (it was part of the training event) and our dinner was $60!!! That's a lot to us and we laughed about how we had date night for the month.

Things are so nice right now, Aaron and I are doing so great and able to talk things out, it's stressful right now but I know we will get through the rough spots. It's amazing what a difference it makes when you are on the same page and a real team. I am loving my marriage right now and I can't wait for us to live on our own.

The only stress is finding that place of our own...so many apartments are just not in our budget right now, with me going to school, but I really don't want to quit going to school, I just started again. I have some low income places to look into and hopefully we will find the right place for our little family.

OH! I almost forgot! I got my final grades, I got 2 A's and 2 B's!!! WOOT! One semester down, 4 to go LOL

Now What???

Alright, so I do the work study thing here on campus but I'm really not sure what is going on with it. It's extremely unorganized, chaotic and a waste of time. I stay here because its very easy and while the pay isn't much, the schedule is great.

I'm just so ready for things to go in our favor, being apart from Aaron is so hard, we barely get to see each other and when we do, it just doesn't seem like its enough time. I hate having to go pick him up or take him home or leave him...its just not the life I want right now. I want my whole family together!! I want family dinner, I want snuggles while we watch TV, I want to go to sleep and wake up next to my husband. I don't see why things have to be so damn difficult for us!

Things really should be looking up, with Aaron's new job, he has potential to really make some money and we are looking into apartments that hopefully will accept us and be affordable. I'm trying to stay positive but it can be so hard.

Oh HELL no!

So, I'm sitting here at Starbucks and have been sipping my coffee for the past hour or so. Anyway, some girls walk in and look around and all the seats/tables are taken so they turn to me and say (with attitude) "Can you move so we can sit here?" so I ask "Is there another seat somewhere?" and they say "well not inside, you'd have to sit outside" mind you, it's freezing cold (by Texas standards) and I don't wanna! So I say calmly " I don't want to sit outside." and they didn't get it!!! They still stood over me like I was going to get up! Such bizarre behavior! They looked super young, so maybe they are 1st year college students and still have that senior in high school mentality where they think they rule the world and everyone must obey them. Too bad that doesn't apply in the real world sweethearts! I often think that high school should teach actual real world life skills. Things like, going to work isn't like going to school, you can't just skip days here and there and not expect consequences. Life isn't fair, everyone doesn't win and no one really cares how you feel. Your boss won't care if you aren't feeling well, they just want you to do your job. No one is going to help you, you need to be self reliant, confident but not cocky and resourceful. These are all things I've had to learn the hard way because they weren't taught to me. I've learned more through experiences and life lessons then I ever did in high school and I wonder if by the time Dae gets to high school, what is he going to learn?

Thinking Out Loud

I often wonder if this is really how my life is supposed to be...this isn't exactly the life I had planned out. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any choices I've made or things I've done...I just never thought this is where my life would be at 25.

This also isn't how I thought my family would be. I never thought that instead of being at home with Dae I'd be gone all day and home in the very short evening and weekend hours. That hardly seems fair to both him and me, yet, what choice do I have? I have to go to school to get a good job since I don't have the luxury of staying home and relying on one income. I didn't ever think that my family would be separated, and struggle this much. When can I catch a break? When can I live the life I dreamt?

posted from Bloggeroid

It Will Rain-Bruno Mars

I freaking love this song. It makes my eyes water when I hear it and it SPEAKS to me. The only thing I don't like about this song, I heard its from the Twilight movie. I freaking hate Twilight. All of that aside though, it's a great song and would make a great vow-renewal song later on. <3

It Will Rain

If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.


There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor, oh<
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making
Will keep you by my side
Will keep you from walking out the door.


Cause there'll be no sunlight
if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain,
rain, rain


I'll never be your mother's favorite
Your daddy can't even look me in the eye
Oooh if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing
Saying there goes my little girl
walking with that troublesome guy
But they're just afraid of something they can't understand
Oooh well little darling watch me change their minds
Yea for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try<
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make you mine


Cause there'll be no sunlight
if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain,
rain, rain


Ooooh Don't you say
goodbye, don't just say, goodbye
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make it right


Cause there'll be no sunlight
if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain,
rain, rain...

30 Days of Thanks: November 15th, 2011

Today I'm thankful for my job. Sure it's just a part time gig and pays minimum wage, but there are people who don't have a job at all and I am lucky enough to have one with flexible hours, and where it's not hard or stressful.

I'm sooooooo

FRUSTRATED! ANNOYED! AGGRAVATED!

When is it going to be my chance? When are things finally going to go my way? Or at least lean in my favor? I feel like I am never going to get my break in life, that I'm always going to be treading water.

It's so hard to stay positive all the time, when things seem like they will never change, they will never get better no matter how hard you try, something will bring you down. How do you keep thinking positively after that?

Don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve to not have to struggle for everything. Can't things just go my way once? I can't understand how things never get better, I try my hardest at everything I do, I do everything the right way and nothing ever gets any better. It makes me wonder why do I even try?

What's the point of trying if nothing will ever change, if things will never look up, get better or improve, why am I busting my ass? If I manage to finish school, will that really help? Or will I still struggle in all aspects of my life?

30 Days of Thanks: November 14th, 2011

Today I'm thankful that the girl I work with got the hint and stopped talking to me. She's annoying and I dislike her highly.

30 Days of Thanks: November 13, 2011

Today I'm thankful that I don't have to worry or stress over having food for my family. I know that no matter what, we can eat. Millions of families don't have that luxury.