Changes

My Britt is leaving on Wednesday. I'm so sad because I am going to miss her and Mikey, but I'm also happy for her because hopefully, things will be better for her. It's a scary thing, to have to move, makes me remember how nervous/excited/anxious I was when we were supposed to move to the valley. I often wonder if Aaron never intended for us to move with him, when I think back, he never helped me pack, and then when I find out that stupid whore friend of his mom's told him he should go to the valley alone.

I pretty much blame her for this, well, of course I blame Aaron but if she hadn't opened her big ass mouth and gotten in business where she wasn't wanted, maybe we could have made things work. I can't help but wonder if this is really how my life is supposed to be, if I am going to be alone for a while, if I will ever find love again.

I'm just hitting the point where I'm angry. I'm angry that he did this to us, that I'm having to raise our son alone, that was not the plan, I never wanted to be a single parent, we we're supposed to do everything together. I kept my end of the deal, I supported him, I didn't cheat on him, I loved him with my entire being and what do I get in return? I can't even get him to buy some mother freaking diapers. Hell, I can't even let him be alone with our son! Who did I piss off to deserve this? I know that I have accomplished some things alone, and yes, I was proud of myself for that, but I still feel an incredible sadness that I have no one to share that with. I want that special someone to share things with and as terrible as it sounds, I don't think I will ever have that because I don't think there will ever be someone good enough to be around Dae and me.

Math for Dummies

My math class is so impossibly simple, yet, I find myself super lost most days. Mostly, its because my Professor is so random, she goes from talking about math, then pulls her keys out of her pocket and says "whoa, I forgot my main key at home" yeah, true story. It just happened this second.

We're supposed to have a test and when you combine the miscommunication with the randomness...I can only hope that all my studying will pay off. Don't get me wrong, its simple stuff, things that 3rd-4th graders are learning right now. I dunno why math is so hard for me, I often think its a mental block that I have set up for myself, trying to break that is like breaking through a brick wall. It can be extremely frustrating, knowing that come test time, things will get all jumbled up in my head and I won't be able to remember how to do anything.

Of course, maybe if I waited to blog AFTER class, instead of during :p

The other kids crack me up though, this guy is going to the restroom and she just stopped him! She said you can't leave her class! The poor guy he has to go potty and she's giving him such a hard time!

Bodum Pavina

<img src="http://img.bzzagent.com/image/bodum.jpg?Type=activity&Activity=7270090725&Campaign=7012228943&Uid=1214094&token=52ce683940166d711c76e0df3920bfa5" alt=""/>
Taking a break from my normal ramblings for a product review...I am a BzzAgent (bzzagent.com) and was sent these glasses from Bodum Pavina. They claim that they keep cold drinks cold without making your fingers cold or "sweating" all over everything. They are for both hot and cold drinks, so my fingers won't burn when I drink my morning coffee out of it.

I've been drinking this glass of water and the other cup that I had was leaving a ring all over my table. I suppose I could have gotten a coaster, but instead, I grabbed the Bodum cup and have been condensation free since. On top of it looking cool, it does what it says it does. I wish I had these in other sizes, the little booklet I had showed they make them in other sizes, totally worth looking into!



my fancy glass! It makes me feel classy too. Look for more review on this glass as I drink my coffee from it!

I Survived!!!!

I did it!! I made it through the first week of classes, rode the bus and didn't die or get attacked by zombies or explode. Yes, those were all fears of mine, don't judge me. I am really, really liking college this time around. I think 3rd time's a charm, finally.

I feel much more focused and serious about everything now, like I have finally grown up and my choices don't only impact me, but my son as well and I need to make the best choices because of that. He relies on me so much, that there is no way I can let him down now. Everything I do, I do for him and its got to be the best.

OMG some people just drive me nuts, reminding me why I am NOT ready to date. This guy, the one that I went out on ONE DATE with is acting like we are freaking meant to be together or some shit. He keeps texting me about stupid shit, wondering when we are going out again which is NEVER cause I'm not into that shit. Now he's texting me about the mother effing Cowboys game like I give a damn. I've ignored all the texts but that doesn't stop them...ugh. what.a.mess.

On the good side of things, my FIL is going to help me out! He is going to loan me a car while I'm in school and claims that he's going to send me money on the regular. I really am thankful that he's going to help me out while I'm in school, right now I need all the help I can get. Especially since I haven't heard back from SAC HR about the work study job. Which reminds me I need to call them and call the food stamps office and let them know I'm no longer working. Hmm lots of calls to make...I also need to get back down to the staff office of the attorney general and work on my divorce papers. I've been kind of putting that off. No real reason, just a sadness that comes with knowing and admitting that my marriage really is over.

Back to School!!!

Back to school, back to school, to prove that I am not a fool...LOL

It's school time again and OH BOY there is already a new group of random ass kids talking about stupid shit. LOVE IT. The kid next to me is SO SO desperately trying to bust some game on this girl, he's talking about how the place he lives is SO shitty, how he is SO anti social networking, he just has a facebook, twitter, google+ and high 5 (whatever that is)...ok guy...he also mentioned how stoned he was and how he was going to already skip class. It's the second freaking day of school. so stupid. love it.

Bahaha anyway, it's so weird to be going to school again though. Waking up early, riding the bus, walking to campus...let me tell you, I don't feel like a 25 year old single mom. I just feel 25. And you know what? I like it. Don't misunderstand, I love my son, he's my entire world and I love being a mother but this feeling that I get when I'm on campus, I can just walk and decide what I'm doing and where I'm going and it's just ME...its special, I love it. I know Dae is being taken care of at home, he's happy, playing, etc and I have the freedom to just be ME.

This is my chance to really find myself and really discover who I really am and what I want in life, love and anything and everything really. I see these happy couples everywhere on campus and can't help but to feel a twinge of jealousy...just two years ago, I was one of those couples...its amazing how different just a couple of years can make in someone's life. It's like two different lifetimes to me, such a world of difference.

It's Almost Time!!!!!!

I'm so excited!!!!! Just 4 more days of work and then I will be a FULL TIME COLLEGE STUDENT! I took today off to try and get some things handled at the court house, SAC and with child support but shoot, that just turned into a big mess. I ran around like a crazy person with the stupid court stuff and then was told I had the wrong forms but the "right" forms aren't even relevant to what we are doing...I think I am just going to revise the ones I have and submit them again. The new ones have like 6 pages of what is going to happen with the property/cars/money/assets...uhh we don't have that shit. The only thing we do have is the ps3 and the laptop and that has been divided since he left in January. I was thinking of putting in the armiore and the trundle bed as the property that we have so that his stupid ass mother is pretty much court ordered to replace it before taking it. She is the one acting so petty and stupid about this whole situation.

Blah, enough of that crap, onto more fun and interesting things...like I'm going on a TRIP!! Well, hoping/planning to go on a trip. There's going to be an event in galveston called Oni-Con, an amine/japanese pop culture type event. It sounds AWESOME!!! I hope I can save up the money to go, it is a long time to be away from Dae, but my mom is ok with watching Dae that time, and even thinking of taking a trip to the beach with him so we can spend some time there also. We'll have to see what happens, it would be awesome to be able to go to Con and spend time with Dae on the beach. Just have to wait and see what is going to happen, I'm so over planning things and being so anal about schedules and shit, I am trying to just live day by day.

Speaking of day by day, I want to be done with work already!!! I just want my financial aid so I can go shopping for my books and school stuff! I am such a nerd because I am looking so forward to buying books and notebooks and pens and other supplies LOL aaaaaaaand maybe I am looking forward to doing some clothes shopping too. I think I have enough summer stuff, I might get another couple pairs of shorts and some jeans/fall/winter type stuff because I have none of that type stuff and won't have money when that season hits, so I need to buy it now while I have the funds.

Life is looking up for me and I'm just hanging on for the ride!

All Alone...

I hate this feeling, I feel like I am the only single person in the world. Of course I know this isn't true, shoot I think my friends are split 50/50 between single/taken but as I sit here, watching TV, playing on facebook, I long to have a conversation with someone about love/life/pursuit of happiness...I hate that I feel like my best friend is gone, unreachable, almost like they've died.

He isn't the man I thought he was, he's not the guy that was my best friend, that I loved to be around, that could make my dreams come true, and yet, sometimes I wish he were still here. I don't feel like I will ever find the perfect guy because I don't think that person exists. I also don't think that person fits into my life...I don't know what I want in a guy, but I want someone who is real and who can take care of me. I am so full of emotion, I can't figure out what I am trying to say...ugh so frustrating.

I just think about things like, what if, some day I find my perfect man, and want to marry again...what would Dae think? Will he be mad? Will he wonder why I didn't stay married to his dad and wonder why I want to marry this other man? What if I have kids with this other guy? Will he be upset if I have another baby? He's already so jealous, but what if he wants to have a sibling?

I know these are such silly things to wonder about, but they are things that jump into my head and I have to get them out somewhere...